Nine months ago I signed up for a non audition choir. That is where I felt I belonged because I didn't feel like my musical abilities were at a college level. On the first day of class I got the syllabus and I had noticed that I had already achieved the course objectives. That is when I knew I needed to get out. I talked to my professor and she told me I could try out for Women's Choir. I was waiting in the hallway with three other girls, trying to remain calm. I didn't have the chance to warm up which rattled my confidence. I walked into the room and luckily Professor Worthen understood my emotional imbalance. We talked a little bit about high school and previous music experience. Then I sang. I did well until the fourth sight reading. Accidentals (sharps and flats) up the wazoo. I tried the line three times and no success. We laughed and moved on. She told me an email would go out that night for callbacks. I got an email and my name was on the list so I attended class the next day. Audition part two. I was placed as an alto. What a shock this was. Singing alto requires chest voice. I used to not even know how to access my chest voice. It was a foreign action. I knew what it was but that was just about it. Being placed as an alto shook all confidence I had.How was I supposed to sing a voice part that I couldn't even access in my voice?
Before I go on I am going to tell you of an experience I had in All State choir my senior year of high school. There was an instructor named Kelly Dehann. He gave us a speech that went along the lines of finding your voice. Connecting with the soul and really singing. When I first heard this story I thought I had found my voice. Little did I know what was ahead of me.
Back to UVU Women's Choir. I attended class and learned the songs. I learned quickly that I didn't belong there. As much I loved choir and singing, that choir just wasn't for me. I wasn't a music major. Personally I don't care about the frequency of vibrato or music theory. Those things just don't interest me. I just wanted to sing and I just wanted to love it. The first semester was rough. I had limited friends. As in two. I had two friends in a class of sixty. That made the concerts rough because I didn't have many people to talk to.
Spring semester rolled around and the choir got mixed up a little bit. Many people transferred in and out of the choir. I lost one of my friends. I was down to one friend in a choir of sixty. What was worse, this particular friend had a habit of not coming to class. At Choir Retreat I was an invisible girl. Everyone talked as if I wasn't there. It was hard and I even escaped to have a breather moment. That is when my Professor asked "Heidi, how are you doing today?" I was surprised she knew my name. With everything she has to deal with, knowing my name seemed like the last thing. But she did know my name, and she did care. That is when I decided I needed to try and make choir a good experience because Professor Worthen believed in my enough to let me in the choir.
Days passed by, classes continued. I started talking to girls around me. Nothing pass small talk but eventually they started to know my name. We would smile at each other in the hall. It was starting to turn around. I enjoyed choir. Well, as far as someone who isn't a music major could enjoy a major course.
Back to finding my voice as Kelly Dehann had suggested. Spring semester I tried to explore my voice. I didn't find my voice until I memorized the song Untraveled Worlds. It was the last song we learned during Spring Semester. When I sang this song I sang it with my soul. This song was about the journey of life. Honestly, I was exhausted by the time I was through singing it because I gave it all, physical and mental. A whole year and half later from the time Kelly Dehann told me to find my voice, I actually found it. It is still a work in progress but I know why choir was supposed to be in my college class schedule.
Now choir has come to a close. This week I walked from my last choir class andI turned in my music folder. I started to choke up because this class that seemed never ending had come to an end and I wasn't ready. I had many ups and downs in choir, but I will be a cherished memory for me when I think about my college experience at UVU.
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