25 Drafted Posts

Over the last couple of years I have started 25 posts and they have never seen the light of day. They are generally five to ten sentences of scatter brained thoughts that just weren't developed to their full potential. Because this blog is a digital journal, I find it unfair to keep those thoughts to myself. They were obviously important enough to be written down.

So for this post, I am compiling all my drafts into one post.

It's going to be extremely long, but fun.

Follow along if you want.

No pressure.

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BESTEST SELF

Where do I see myself in 10 years?

If I could have a perfect life what would it be?

Well, let me enlighten you.
In ten years in the perfect life, I would be married and have two kids.
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LIGHT BULB THOUGHTS
Taylor Swift, famous, yes.
Amazingly talented vocally, not quite.
Let's be honest for a moment. The reason why we love her isn't for the music part of her songs but rather the lyrics. Her lyrics speak to every 12 to 26 year old. I've grown up with her. As she has grown, I have grown. She sings through high school crushes, short term lover, to a hopeful long term love.
(and don't pretend you don't like her)
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TWO CENTS

My work does not define me.

My schooling does not define me.

I am more than work and school.

I understand that work and school are shaping me into a person but that doesn't mean that I have to devote my life to just those things. I have to figure out who I am with out those factors.

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CARVED

Marnie has the cutest phone case.

When I got my new phone I wanted an awesome case like hers.

You see, she got her phone case from a website called Carved. 

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GOING NO WHERE

The common rule to life is to have goals. You need to have a destination in mind. If you don't then you are seen as lazy, unmotivated, and a person that is going no where. Those qualities make you seem less desirable to, well, everyone. Most days I feel like this person. I feel stuck and lack of progression when really my life is the exact opposite.

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I DON'T BELONG HERE

Every introvert struggles with social anxiety. I would even say it is safe to say that a fair amount of people deal with social anxiety. And I am one of those people. I get butterflies in my stomach every time I go to a place that isn't apart of my normal routine. One time I was craving french fries but my sister was on a date and so she couldn't go with me. I really wanted to try out this restaurant that was down the street from us. It took me 30 minutes to pep talk myself just to leave the house. When I pulled up to the restaurant a rush of relief filled my soul when I saw a drive thru window. Because heaven forbid I walk in and order my food and then walk out. No. That would be too much human interaction. 

In the recent past, I attended a few homecomings for my friends who had returned from their missions. I went to one in particular that was a high school reunion to the max. The moment I pulled up to the church I broke out in a hot flash. I had to do deep breathing just to get myself under control. I made it inside in one piece. I sat by some high school friends and it was great to talk to them and catch up. But when I was sitting there I realized that even though I love these people, they are not my people.
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I don't know if you have ever seen this, but this, this is exactly how my life works. I think,  think some more, until I don't even know what reality is. I only know how life is "supposed" to go.
* * * *

Tis the end of the semester.

You would think by now I would be used to the stress that school brings, but I am not.
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DATE NIGHT

I am behind on the blogging thing. Back in November I went bowling with my family. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing. The only one missing was Jennie, which is quite impressive. Turns out I am still very bad at bowling. The boys tried to give me pointers but it just made me worse.
* * * *

I am been thinking about this post for a long time. Months really.

This is a topic that is sensitive. Well, it is sensitive to me.

I am 21 years old.

Typically by this age I have had my first kiss, first boyfriend, and even a 'real' relationship.
I have watched many friends go through these stages. I have read books and seen "love" on TV. Yet, I haven't had any of that. That is something I haven't experienced yet. But I can tell you that ninety-six percent of the time it doesn't bother me. I like my independence. I like learning who I am individually as a person. I have spent this time learning life skills. In other words I have been working on my 'wife me up' skills.
That other four percent though, ha, that is another story. Because I am surrounded by everyone finding love, it has made it abundantly clear that I am single.

* * * *

Lately, it has just been me and my thoughts. I have been spending a large amount alone. I have quite enjoyed this time to really search my soul for my beliefs and my thoughts. I know that I have opinions, I just don't express them enough for them to become clear. At times I don't even know where I stand on certain issues.
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AM I GOING TO MAKE IT?

One week down. Fifteen more to go.

Yes, I have a count down until my semester ends. I know it is contradicting to my last post, but guys, calculus is kicking my butt. And I haven't even reached the calculus part! I spend all my free time doing homework. Not an exaggeration. I almost put off a much needed girls night because I was afraid of my homework wasn't going to get done. I know I might be overreacting and what not, but I don't care. College is hard. Yes the classes have challenging moments but the hardest part about college is finding the time, energy, and motivation. Not only having those qualities but having them at the same time. So if you find yourself looking for something to pray about, I am always a good option. Pray for my sanity the next couple of months. I am going to need it.

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THANKSGIVING POINT

I have finally gone to the tulip festival at Thanksgivng Point. And I loved it. I love walking around the gardens. 

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HOW HAVE I CHANGED

I like to think that I have change from who I used to be in high school.

I like to think I make better choices that High School Heidi.
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JULY 4TH

I don't like parades, but I love fireworks.

So I love the 4th of July based off my love of fireworks.


hashtag cellphone pic

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I am a photo nerd. 

I can't help it but I love photos. Whether looking at them, editing them, or taking them. There is something magical about pausing life.

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Obligatory end of summer post.

This summer wasn't my typical summer. But that's okay, it has been a very eventful one. Between summer school, photoshoots, best friend's wedding, Joe's Valley, little Beckett,  and going through the temple.

Sorry Vallett Fam for cutting some peeps out. I couldn't control the cropping.

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NIBLING APPRECIATION POST

*Nibling is a real word. Look it up.*

I am used to babies loving me. I love them so naturally they love me.

Beckett is a different story. Sure, he likes me. We smile, laugh, sing, dance. We have fun. But when my sister walks into the room and talks, Beckett will chase her down. He loves his Aunt Jennie. But I haven't given up all hope. I have got to play with him more since school has let out.
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Wow. we made it.
If you made it this far, then you are awesome sauce.